Without You
by NerdyDakota
Summary: While Phil's in Florida with his family, he gets attacked by a shark, but doesn't have many hours left, so he and Dan spend those hours together. Rated because of blood and don't read if you have a weak stomach
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hey, guys! I honestly have no idea what gave my the idea to make this but somehow I got the idea. As I know you're probably wanting to read this, I'll stop the author's note here. Oh, and, just to be clear, one of the later parts includes what would seem MartynxDan but I swear I don't ship it. I'm sticking to Phan (which there is in this - don't kill me for referring to them as best friends D:). I'll also warn you now that if you're sensitive to blood and vomiting you may want to leave**.

"Hey, Martyn?" said Phil, looking at his older brother.

"Yeah, Phil?" he replied. Phil had a look on his face that said he was bored but had an idea to do something.

"You don't think we could go swimming, do you?" Phil had an enthusiastic smile on his face; swimming was always a pleasure of Phil's when he went to Florida.

"Yeah, sure," said Martyn with the same enthusiastic smile. The two brothers grabbed their swimming trunks and told their mother where they were going. Phil may have been 29 but that didn't stop his mother from worrying. They decided on going to a nearby beach. Phil talked to a few fans before going to the edge of the beach.

"Be careful, Phil," said Martyn as Phil got into the water. "You don't want to get attacked by a shark."

"I'll be fine," said Phil. "I managed to not get kicked by a kangaroo in Australia, I will be perfectly fine."

"I wouldn't bet on that," replied Martyn. He watched Phil for a few minutes then heard a yelp that sounded exactly like Phil.

"Phil!" shouted his older brother. Phil got onto the shore and held his leg tightly. It was bleeding and it looked broken. Blood was pouring into the sand, and eventually Phil passed out.

0o0o0

"Mum, I think Dan has a right to know what happened," said Martyn later in the hospital. "I mean, they are best friends."

Phil's phone went off. He'd gotten a text from Dan. It said "Phil you haven't answered me for like two hours are you okay".

"Fine," said Phil and Martyn's mother. Martyn left, and quickly booked the soonest flight to London. He didn't do much on the plane, but he got to Dan and Phil's apartment as quickly as possible. When he did get to their apartment he was out of breath. He quickly knocked on the door and almost immediately it opened, and Dan's worried face looked at him.

"Hey, Martyn," he said. "Where's Phil?" he added with worry in his voice.

"Can I come in?" said Martyn. "It might take a while to explain, it'll be hard for me to."

"Yeah, make yourself at home," said Dan. He moved so Martyn could get up the stairs. He sat down on their sofa.

"Did you intentionally make that crease the same shape as your spine?" asked Martyn, pointing at Dan's sofa crease.

"Yeah," said Dan. "I've been spending most of my time today scrolling through Tumblr. It's not difficult to waste your life, really."

"Anyway, back to why I'm here without Phil," said Martyn and his eyes started watering. "We went swimming yesterday on a beach and I warned him about sharks."

"Don't tell me, he, being the little shit he is, decided 'Fuck it, I'm swimming with the sharks'?"

"Yeah," said Martyn. "And he got attacked by one. A small one otherwise he would've lost his leg. He's currently in a hospital in Florida."

"Oh my god, you're not serious?" said Dan, rushing around the apartment and grabbing his things. He stuffed some clothes into a suitcase and almost fell down the stairs hurrying to the door.

"Why would I prank you into thinking your best friend in the whole world got attacked by a shark?"

"Can you book a flight in the cab?" asked Dan, and Martyn nodded. As soon as they got to the airport, Dan started nervously crying. His anxiety about Phil's health state only heightened as time passed.

"'Kay, we have a flight to Miami at six fifteen this evening," said Martyn. "Everything is going to be fine," he added, noticing Dan was crying. He hugged him, trying to calm him down. "I promise, it'll be okay."

"Don't make promises you can't keep," said Dan through choked sobs. When their flight finally left Dan fell asleep with his head on Martyn's shoulder. The shaking of the plane touching down was the only thing that woke him up. He realised his head was on Martyn's shoulder and quickly moved it, taking out his phone and checking his fringe. They got off the plane as soon as they could and Martyn took Dan to the hospital. When they got to Phil's hospital room Dan immediately ran to his friend's side. Phil's fringe was in his face so Dan moved it out of his eyes. Phil seemed to have felt it because he started moving.

"Ow," he mumbled. He slowly opened his eyes. "Dan?"

"Phil!" said Dan, hugging his friend. "I've been so worried! You weren't replying to my texts so I started to get really scared!"

"I'm okay, Dan," said Phil. "Hey, Martyn," he added as Martyn kneeled next to Dan.

"Hey, Philip," said Martyn. "How're you doing?"

"Fine right now," said Phil. "Actually, more than fine, Dan's here."

Dan blushed slightly at these words.

"Hey, Mum, can you leave Dan and I alone?" said Phil, using his elbow to pull himself up.

"Yeah," said Phil's mum, leaving with Martyn.

"Dan, the survival rate for shark attacks isn't exactly high," he started.

"Philip Michael Lester, you better not be saying what I think you are," said Dan, as tears made their way down his face.

"Dan, I lost a lot of blood on the beach and continued to lose blood as I was taken to the ambulance," said Phil. He kissed Dan's forehead. "I'm sorry."

"I can't lose you," said Dan. Without warning, Phil took a Sharpie from the table by his bed and started drawing cat whiskers on Dan. They both laughed lightly, as it brought back memories from all the years they'd spent together.

"If I'm going to lose you I'm spending every second with you," said Dan. "Why don't we do Phil is Not on Fire now?"

"Well, we need questions," said Phil. "Here, hand me my phone."

Dan gave Phil his phone and Phil tweeted "Quick, give me questions for the possible last episode of pinof!"

"Well, I guess I should clean this off so you can draw whiskers on my face again," said Dan. He attempted to clean off most of the whiskers and nose but was only partly successful.

"Here, choose some questions and make sure they won't make me laugh too hard," said Phil, handing his phone to Dan. "We don't want me to die on camera."

"'Kay, I have some," said Dan. "Luckily I brought my camera."

He started recording and Phil automatically said, "Here come the cat whiskers for another year!"

"Hi," said Dan. "So chances are you're not going to be able to watch this without breaking down sobbing soon, as, if you can't tell, we're in a hospital!"

"I got attacked by a shark yesterday," said Phil. "Dan's chosen some Twitter questions that have been asked. Some of which I have probably already answered."

"Okay, Phil, here's the Sharpie —" said Dan, handing Phil the marker. Phil started drawing the iconic cat whiskers on Dan's face. He couldn't help but smile.

"Okay, Dan, here you go," said Phil, handing Dan the Sharpie. He drew similar whiskers on Phil's face. "First question!"

"'Why might this be the last Phil is Not on Fire?' Would you like to answer, Philly?" asked Dan as his eyes started watering.

"Well, I got to the beach okay, but I lost a lot of blood after the shark attacked me," replied Phil. "It was so weird! Who knew a tiny one foot long shark could break your leg?"

"Phil, it's not impossible," said Dan, chuckling. "Sharks can dislocate their jaws."

"Let me read the next question," said Phil. He smiled as Dan gave him back his phone. "'Is Phan real?' Dan, I think we need to say something if this is our possible last video together. Don't you think?"

"Yes," said Dan. "Okay — wait, how are we going to explain it, anyway? With the rabid shippers out there?"

"Come here," said Phil. He pressed his lips against Dan's. They pulled apart and continued answering questions. They kissed again before they ended it. Almost immediately after Phil started coughing.

"Phil, are you okay?" said Dan, stopping in the middle of putting his camera in his bag.

"Yeah," said Phil. "I'm fine."

"Are you sure?" said Dan, putting his camera in his bag and walking back over to Phil.

"Actually, on second thought — Dan, I need a bin —" Dan quickly grabbed the nearest trash bin and gave it to Phil.

"Is my breath seriously that bad?" joked Dan as Phil got everything out of his system.

"Dan!" exclaimed Phil.

"Sorry," said Dan, smiling.

"Go get — one of the — nurses —" said Phil through retching. "It's worse than you —"

Phil didn't need to finish the sentence. Dan could see red in the bin Phil had. He stopped smiling and almost ran out the door.

"Phil — he's throwing up — there's blood in it —" said Dan between breaths. Immediately a nurse ran to Phil's room, followed by Dan, Martyn, and Phil's mother.

It was a few minutes before Phil stopped throwing up. The nurse took it so she could examine it and get an idea of what was wrong. Dan sat next to him on his bed.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"I don't know," said Phil. It was now about eight in the evening. A doctor came in to say it was time for Dan and the other two Lesters to leave.

"I'm not leaving," said Dan. "I want to spend the rest of the time he's here with him."

"Fine," said the doctor irritably. He escorted the Lesters out of the room.

"I bet the ocean was as blue-green as your eyes," said Dan. Phil smiled, blushing madly. "I love you too much not to spend your last hours with you."

"Thanks, Dan," said Phil.

"I'm not sleeping on that floor, can I sleep with you?" asked Dan. Phil nodded and Dan got into his bed. He was asleep within minutes with the cat whiskers still on his face. Phil cuddled him, and he, as well, still had his cat whiskers on.

0o0o0

The next morning Dan woke up before Phil did. Remembering immediately why he was laying in a hospital bed with his best friend anyway, he checked Phil's heartbeat. It was still there; Phil was still alive. Dan attempted to wake up Phil and was barely successful. Phil looked at the brunette in front of him.

"Hey, Dan," he said. "Yes, I'm doing okay," he added before Dan opened his mouth.

"It's not going to be the same without you," said Dan, curling up and burying his head in Phil's chest. Phil started playing with Dan's hair. Dan was crying into Phil's chest silently.

"Dan, it'll be okay," said Phil. "You still have Dil, you still have my room —"

"I don't know if I'll be able to take care of Dil without you," said Dan. "He just reminds me so much of you, I don't know if I'll be able to handle doing Sims videos on my own. And Lion's still in your room, I don't know if I'll be able to handle it."

"You'll be fine," said Phil.

"It doesn't make it better that I won't have you making what you think are innocent comments," continued Dan.

"Dan, it'll be okay," said Phil, hugging Dan tightly.

"But I need you, Phil." Phil looked at Dan. He was still crying into Phil's chest.

"I don't want to see you like this, Dan," said Phil. "I love you too much."

"What am I going to do without you? You're the only person that keeps me out of depression, what'll happen to me?" said Dan.

"Dan, I'm sorry," replied Phil. "If it wasn't time for me to die, why'd I get attacked?"

"I love you, Phil," said Dan, breaking down into renewed sobs.

"I love you, too," said Phil.

0o0o0

About two days later Dan woke up to find Phil didn't have a pulse. His eyes started watering.

"Phil," he whispered."Phil!"

No answer.

"Phil, no —" At that second, Martyn and Mrs. Lester walked into the room.

"Dan!" said Martyn immediately. Dan didn't look at him. He kept sobbing into Phil's hair.

"Dan, are you okay?" said Mrs. Lester. "Don't tell me Phil's —"

Dan nodded.

"I need to go do something," said Dan. He grabbed his camera, left the hospital, and pushed record on his camera.

"Hello, internet. So I have some bad news. Phil won't be making videos anymore. I'll upload an explanation video later. Well, the new PINOF. I'm sorry I couldn't explain more," Dan finished. "Bye."

Dan went back to Phil's room, staying hidden in the shadows, and started editing the video he'd just filmed. He muted it so he wouldn't have to hear the news over again.

I love you too, were the words that kept ringing in his ears. When he was done editing he uploaded the video, calling it "Phil Won't Be Making Videos Anymore". He then edited PINOF, but he couldn't contain his sobbing. He quickly finished editing and uploaded it, calling it "Last Phil is Not on Fire". He looked over at Phil, hoping he would wake up from a long nap, but he didn't. Dan buried his face in his knees and continued crying.

"Hey, Dan," said Martyn. "Are you doing okay?"

"No," said Dan. "I don't know if I'll be able to handle it."

Martyn put a comforting hand on Dan's shoulder. Dan continued to sob.

"Why do these things have to happen, Martyn? He's the only friend I'd ever had that actually put me before himself! Not that we had a lot of friends."

"That's just life, Dan," said Martyn. "There'll be things you'll never recover from, whether physical or mental, but it'll get better."

Dan's phone went off. People in the comments on both the bad news video and PINOF were freaking out. Some people had even commented "Don't cry, Dan, CRAFT" to which Dan replied, "that's not making my current situation any better". Dan spent most of the day messing with Phil's fringe, then left to go back to London.

0o0o0

When he got back to London, he got probably at least three hundred questions about Phil. He answered each one of them with "Watch PINOF" and it made the crowd around him leave.

When he got to the apartment he sat down on Phil's bed and looked around. He took Phil's lion and went to his room, quietly sobbing.

 **A/N: Wow, that was a terrible Christmas present. Merry Christmas, by the way. And, no, Phil did not get one of those blood thingies. He didn't want it. I'm sorry to Phil who has literally said "I swear, every time I read Phanfiction I'm dead!" I'm also sorry for breaking anyone's heart. Seriously, what is it with me and writing heartbreaking fanfiction? I had this in my head and had to write it. If you want me to continue please leave a review telling me you want it continued. I'll leave it marked as "In-progress" for that reason. Bye!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Hi. So, my name is [Dan]. Sorry, I had to. My name is Heather, not Dan. Anyway, I'm going to write the next part of Without You (obviously)! I have absolutely no idea how I'm going to be able to write this when I decided to kill Phil. Sorry. Well, my brain will tell me. Sorry if it comes up with something just as sad. Oh, yeah, and this will have more swearing.**

O0O0O

Dan had fallen asleep on Phil's bed holding Phil's lion. When he woke up, he remembered what had happened and immediately burst into tears. He decided to do a Sims video, even though it broke his heart. Dil's eyes looked too much like Phil's and the whole time Dan was fighting back tears. While he was editing he got a comment on Phil is Not on Fire.

"Maybe Phil intentionally got attacked by a shark because he thought you were worthless trash".

Dan's eyes watered.

It's true, he thought as he edited out some clips of the recording of him playing The Sims. Maybe Phil planned to get attacked by a shark because I'm worthless.

A little later, Dan decided to order pizza. He couldn't enjoy it without Phil. He ate himself sick. After being crouched over the toilet for about ten minutes, he checked his notifications again.

"What's Dan without Phil? If Phil's dead why don't you die Dan".

"Phil had no point in this world anyway and neither do you".

"If Phil had actually cared about your friendship he would've asked for a blood bag thing".

"You should die, Phil wouldn't care if he were alive".

Dan shut his computer. They're right, he thought as he went to his room. Everyone's better than me. I should just die.

"Phil, I need you," Dan whispered into Phil's lion. He decided to try to call his mother. She didn't pick up. He called his dad and got told his mother was dead. Dan started sobbing. Two deaths of people he was close to in less than three days.

"Dan, just die already," he read off his notifications. He threw his phone down on the carpet and sobbed violently. Then he heard the doorbell ring. He quickly got it, Phil's lion in his right hand.

"Hey, Dan," said Tyler Oakley. "I heard what happened in Florida. Are you doing okay?"

"No," Dan admitted. "I'm getting hate like there's no fucking tomorrow."

"What are they saying?"

"That Phil probably planned to get attacked by a shark to get rid of me."

"You know that's not true," said Tyler.

"No, I don't. He could've done it on purpose from what I heard. He heard there were sharks where he was going on the beach and he went in anyway!"

"Dude, that's just Phil," said Tyler. "Phil is sometimes not the smartest person in existence."

"I'm sorry," said Dan. "I just — he's smarter than that."

"You'll be okay," said Tyler. He grabbed a Sharpie and drew whiskers on Dan's face. "Brilliant whisking," he said when he was done.

"Don't," said Dan, though a small smile was on his face.

"I know you're suffering, but you need to at least try to be happy," said Tyler. "You need it and Phil's fans need it."

"I don't have a point in life without Phil," said Dan, starting to cry again. "He was the only person keeping me from hurting myself. As some people would say, I'm the pen. Phil's the highlighter. I drew the world and Phil made it brighter. Had I not met phil seven years ago I wouldn't be in this position."

"Are you saying you regret meeting Phil?" said Tyler.

"Kind of," answered Dan.

"But you needed each other, that's why you met in the first place. You're left handed, he was right. You wear dark clothes, he wore colourful. You're a less happy person than Phil and Phil was a really cheery guy," said Tyler. "He wouldn't want you to act like this."

"I don't know that, either, Tyler," muttered Dan. "It feels like everyone I'm close to is dying. First Phil, my precious angel bean, then my mum."

"C'mon, it'll be okay," said Tyler. "Everything will be ace from here on out, even if I have to make it that way."

"Stop with the YouTube references, please," said Dan, smiling.

"Fine," groaned Tyler. Dan laughed. He felt some of the tension that he'd felt since Phil died break.

"So were you two dating?"

"How'd you know?" asked Dan.

"Phil told me," said Tyler. "He said during a video I did with him that you two were together and then I just said 'I learned something about Phil that I'm not supposed to tell you guys.'"

"Well, I'm tired," said Dan.

"'Kay, if you want me to leave I will," said Tyler.

"Thanks," said Dan, more quietly than he meant to. Tyler left and Dan went upstairs, turning on his laptop and getting onto YouTube. He decided to watch the punk edits in real life video he and Phil had done and forced himself to watch it all the way through.

"I hope tina48 washed these before she sent them."

"Ph-Phil! Where did you get these from?!"

"Ebay!"

"Were they packaged?"

"Yeah!"

Dan chuckled a little. He watched Phil is Not on Fire 6 after the punk edits video was done.

"I think my zips are undone."

"Phil, stop, that looks really bad from here!"

Dan was crying by the time he finished watching the collaborations he wanted. He even watched "CAPSAR JOINS THE PHILLUMANATI" and started laughing when he said "Caspar, not now, I'm naked!"

He decided he needed to address haters so he got out his camera. He decided to film in Phil's room, but didn't know why he wanted to.

"Hello, internet," he said. "So I need to address something. Since I announced what happened to Phil, I've been getting so much hate it's like I'm actual trash, and not just Phil Trash Number 1 anymore. Nobody's told me why I'm being hated on, but I am. It's not my fault Phil died, it's not my fault Phil got attacked by a shark in the first place. It was all just an accident. So please stop with the hate, I'm going through enough as it is. My best friend died, my mum has now died, and I have nobody to help me through it. The hate isn't making my situation any better. So please don't. Thanks. Bye, guys."

Dan turned off the camera, collapsing on Phil's bed. He turned his laptop back on, turning on one of Phil's Tumblr tag videos. A few hours later he fell asleep on Phil's bed.

O0O0O

Dan woke up to the doorbell ringing. He got out of Phil's bed and went to answer the door. Louise was standing outside it.

"Hey, Dan," she said. "Can I come in?"

"Yeah," Dan replied.

"Have you been doing okay?"

"No. I keep getting hate."

Louise looked at Dan.

"Why?" she asked. Dan shrugged.

"Actually, I don't know why," said Dan. "People are saying Phil intentionally got attacked by a shark to get rid of me."

"You know very well that's not true," said Louise.

"No, I don't," said Dan.

"Would you stop being so negative and bitter?" said Louise. "You know very well that Phil loved you. Please stop saying he got attacked to get rid of you."

"Why should I?" asked Dan, tears now falling down his face. "For all I know he could've gotten attacked on purpose!"

Dan ran to Phil's room, falling into a sobbing heap on Phil's bed. Louise wasn't far behind.

"Look, I know you'll probably never get over this —"

"Probably? He was my best friend, Louise!" interrupted Dan.

"— but I'm sure you'll figure something out," continued Louise. "Yes, you'll never be as close to someone as you and Phil were, but I'm sure you'll find someone else."

"No, I won't," said Dan. "I'm not going to replace Phil."

"I'm not telling you to, Dan," said Louise. "I'm just saying, you'll find someone else

soon."

"No," said Dan. "I refuse to even try."

"Dan, please, try to find someone else," replied Louise. "Nobody wants to lose you permanently."

"I'm sorry," said Dan. "I'm terrible at dealing with shit like this."

"You'll be okay," said Louise. "Even if I need to make it like that."

"That's what Tyler said," said Dan, looking at Louise. "I'm not going to let you. I can figure something out on my own."

"As long as you don't hurt yourself, go right ahead," said Louise.

"If I do, just know that I'm sorry," said Dan. "My life sucks without Phil, he was the only best friend I had after eighteen years."

"I'm sorry, Dan, but I won't let you hurt yourself," said Louise.

"I can do what I want, I'm twenty-five years old," said Dan.

"I don't care, if I have to I'll figure out how to prevent you from hurting yourself," said Louise, "even if I have to move in with you."

"Nobody's moving in with me," said Dan.

"Fine, but I'll come back everyday to check on you," said Louise.

O0O0O

A few days later, Dan was in his room. Louise hadn't visited him yet. He couldn't stand life without Phil, so he decided to do the only thing he could do. He wrote a letter to anyone who found it.

 _Dear whoever happens to find this,_

 _I'm sorry it has to be like this. I don't want to be without Phil anymore. I can't stand it. I'm sorry to the people who needed me most, and to all my friends and family. Phil was my light in the dark. I can't stand the pain or the hate anymore. I miss him too much. This was the most fun I've ever had, but I want to see my best friend again._

 _:Dan_

He heard the door to the apartment open and quickly locked the door to his room.

"Dan?" he heard Louise call. He started crying. "Dan!" shouted Louise. Dan took out a knife from his bedside drawer. He quickly cut his neck, not passing out until a few minutes later. When Louise managed to pick the lock on Dan's door, she checked him for a pulse. There wasn't one. She looked at the note he'd written and started crying.

 _This was the most fun I've ever had, but I want to see my best friend again._

Louise called Dan's family first. They were shocked. Then she decided to call Phil's family.

"No, you're kidding?" said Martyn, as he heard the news.

"No, I wouldn't joke about something like this," said Louise. "He wrote a note and the last thing he said in it was 'This was the most fun I've ever had, but I want to see my best friend again.'"

She finished talking to Martyn then called Tyler.

"We could've prevented this, Louise!" he said.

"No, it was bound to happen sometime," said Louise. "It's not our fault though."

"How are we going to explain this to his fans?" asked Tyler. "Wait, no, I know how, visit me as soon as you can. We won't be able to explain it individually so you can help me."

O0O0O

A few days later Tyler was being visited by Louise. Tyler started to record a video.

"Hey, guys," he started. "Louise here and I have some bad news. Danisnotonfire, also known as Dan Howell, won't be making videos anymore. If you didn't know, his best friend, Phil, died from a shark bite."

"He said he couldn't stand the pain anymore in a note he left, that I will share on Twitter," said Louise. "He slit his own throat and when I got to him I was too late. I'm sorry, I truly am, but I hope he's happy now."

"We're truly sorry, we would've prevented it had we been able to, but I wasn't in London and Louise didn't get to him in time."

"Bye, and again we're really sorry we couldn't save him," said Louise.

Tyler turned off the camera, and looked at Louise to see her crying.

"It'll be okay," he told her. "We'll get through this."

He started editing the video he'd just done and uploaded it with the title "What Happened To Danisnotonfire (ft. Sprinkleofglitter)". From then on nobody on the internet insulted people who'd lost their best friends from some kind of accident.

O0O0O

 **A/N: That last sentence. In my dreams. Anyway, there's chapter two for anyone who wanted it. I think I'll do another chapter just for Phil reacting to Dan dying. Bye!**


End file.
